30th January, Marjal and all is well with the world.

Pretty hum drum sort of couple of days, the local council has opened the pathway to we can escape to the beach for a walk to La Marina and back, makes a change. Tricia is doing a final wash as we prepare to up sticks for Roquetas. From there it's going to be Seville for a few weeks, then Faro, Lisbon, Porto and then meet up with the Leadbetters to explore northern Spain.

Booked the P&O ferry back for the 17th June, something we did not really want to put in stone but for a couple of reasons did. 1, the Leadbetters are going back then and 2, we booked now because the prices rises nearer the date, preaching to the converted here I know, BUT although the later booking price goes up by at least £80, you can change your booking for £25, where's the logic in that then?

Since we started doing this, last year, I do not like deadlines, it's like a two week holiday in our past life, you get there and are immediately counting off the days till you go back. If fact the last few days aren't a holiday any more because you are franticly running around buying last minute presents for Auntie Rosy and worrying about where to leave your bags because you are getting chucked out of the hotel at 10 am and where are you going to “hang around” until the bus arrives at midnight to take you to the airport. Yep I really miss all that.

Of course when booking I lied about, height, width, length, weight, the number of giraffes aboard, just about everything (who measures), in fact I think they're expecting a Mini Cooper with a tent.

I'll just blame feet versus decimal and the Euro in general.

We finally made into Santa Pola, the next town to the north of us, we had driven by many times, on our way into Alicante but on the day we tried there was a town fun run on and we could not get in to park. So in we went this time and parked near the marina. The town looked a bit “tired” and old. There was a “free” parking lot full of Motorhomes but it was also very run down and seedy. Talked to n English couple who had just arrived and they agreed and were moving on pretty sharpish. The opposite was true of the coast road out of the place, it was gorgeous, if a man can actually use that the word.

Last night I decided to have the last of the king prawns in garlic and butter with a fresh baguette, SWMBO was going to have her vegetable “diet” soup.

“Er...what are you having?”

I told her.

“You will stink of garlic!”

“Your point is?”

“Er..all by yourself,not asking if I wanted any?”

“You said you did not want any and you were having soup?”

“Well that was then wasn't it?”

“And?”

“Well it's now isn't it?”

I did some extra salad and we managed the whole baguette between us.

Tonight there is a Food Festival in Guardamar and SWMBO has decided we are attending, if it's anything like the Christmas Festival we went to in early December I'd better have a couple of Big Macs before I go.


She also has been pestering me to wash the car, I mean it's only been six weeks and it may rain again in the next couple so why bother? Also we cannot wash our cars on site, we have to go to a “Lavadora” which actually costs real money. I'll see if I can fit it in before the gravy boat comes in.

First born, Adam, car broke down, it was making a terrible noise when we there at Christmas so it is not a surprise. Adam's outlook is “if it isn't broke, don't fix it and then again even if it is, just wait till it actually stops, then get someone else to fix it”. The somebody is usually me but not being there, because I would have fixed it earlier, so it had finally stopped. I realised that this situation may occur so I had bought him a breakdown service plan for Christmas and told him where the keys were for our (old) Porsche if he needed it. Which of course he does and did.

I don't know how he manages to struggle through life all by himself, with no help at any turn, bless.

But that's just Adam, Heather fights and works, and usually gets what she goes for. If he fell in a bucket of shit he would come up smelling of roses. Here is one example:- on the day his Vauxhal Nova became none operational, on the day mind you, his friend Jason, phoned from Australia and told him he could have his Cleo, which of course was still taxed and tested, enough said? By the way the said Nova cost him £1 as it was a trade in at a BMW garage and it was his if he could drag himself to Tunbridge Wells to get it.

Decided to do all the checks before leaving Monday, when it would be too late if anything was seriously amiss. Check tyre pressures, grease bits that needed greasing, car, oil, water etc. Everything pretty much AOK.
Sitting outside, having lunch and notices that front offside (depending if you're in Europe or UK) looks a tad down, gives it a kick, it's bloody flat! Must have knackered the valve because when pumped up that's where all the air is coming from. Damn it! Anyway better here than on the motorway or first thing on Monday morning. Off with the spare on the back, extend font legs to maximum, after slackening wheel nuts of course, wheel comes free and is off. Change wheel, but I do not know what the torque settings are for the wheel nuts, one grunt or three, who knows, it's not in the manual?

So two grunts it is and I'll check at the first coffee stop on the motorway, if it's still on.
Again as mentioned, it was washing day, including bedding which meant the € eating washing machines and our little twin tub for all the smalls. The wind picked up and it was a good drying day as Tricia's Aunty Alice used to say.

News on the home front:- Heathers is selling more BMW's and is “busy”, Olly has just one more flight and he is a Pilot, Adam as above, Antonia is still engaged and Rickardo is having his hair cut and going to job interviews.
Tomorrow is Sunday, The Times Online and “chucky egg” day for the missus.

27th January 2010, Marjal and very, very windy.

“I've never thought about my diet too much, which means my life will be short, brutal and tasty.”

The above is another signature from a forum, I love it!

Today started out very windy with the occasional bout of rain but we had a driving job to do, drive back to Carrefour to replace my new mouse. Basically the one I bought yesterday did not work, I mean that it worked but had a mind of it's own. Plug it in and the cursor would run riot all over the screen switching things on and off and trying to delete the odd file and / or programme it latched on to. It took me a while to figure this out and pull the damn thing out before it did real mischief.

So it had to go back. “Er, Tricia where is the receipt?”. “It's in the bin!. “What bin?” “The waste bin”. And of course it was, what she hadn't told me was that it was in a thousand bits”. “Why did you tear the receipt up, Pet?” “Anything that might have our details on it, I tear up”. “We paid cash, we always pay cash at the supermarkets, there are no “details””. “You never know”.

“God's teeth, what do you mean you never know!” “You never know”. And I won't and never will.

So as we don't have any sellotape I had to use black electricians tape to stitch it back together, it looked a sorry state. When presented to the “Customer Service” lady at Carrefour however, it made her day and she was still laughing as she gave me an exchanged mouse, funnily enough called “le rat” in Spanish . Which worked fine.

Just did a trip to Lidl for the sole purpose of getting some more bottled water and yoghurt, ended up €36 lighter and coming back with a variety of other things, including a 26cm roasting pot, with lid, how do they do it? If I go myself I usually come back with what I wanted plus maybe the mandatory beer and wine.

When SWMBO tags along it's looked at as another “shopping event” and as the likes of Lidl sell many other things besides food, there are no holds barred. She even tried to buy another dressing gown but I pulled the “Your arse looks big in it”, which usually works with items of female clothing. Don't try it too often though as even blonds can eventually figure the ruse out over time.


I do not like fish, well I like sea food, the ones with the bones on the outside and of course the stuff you get from the chippy. Why does fish have to have those thousands of tiny, stick in your teeth, bones at all. You can get seedless oranges, why not boneless fish? Admittedly they may flop around a bit while swimming but isn't a small price to pay so that the rest of humankind can eat them without spitting lumps out during a meal due to the excess of bones.

SWMBO bought a load of fresh Mackerel the other day and fried them in garlic and butter, they smelled delicious. This is the way they are supposed to be eaten “Spanish style”. “Gut fish and cook, leaving heads on. Hold by tail and pop into mouth and pull tail bringing all bones with it”.

Well I can advise that you will only try this once, unless of course you enjoy cleaning splattered bits of fish off your walls.
The weather is finally clearing and I have been counting the number of mats, plastic plant pots and empty water bottles that have appeared on our pitch due to the recent wind (gales). The God it's going to be OK for our departure because I wouldn't like to pull the 5er in that wind.

I learnt that you can download different voices for the Garmin GPS we have and the idea of having Doc Brown (BTTF) telling me that I haven't a “Giga watt chance in hell, of getting round that bend”, rather appealing.

Tricia is at present getting to the end of “Foxbat” a novel by James Barrington, all about Harrier jets and as she is getting to the “exciting” bit it looks like dinner will be late tonight.

Went to have a fight (again) with the guy from the Repsol garage in Alicante to fill up my re-fillable Gaslow bottles. No fight because he was, how can I put it?, either drunk or on drugs, or both. The adaptor is a brass spigot 8 cm long by 2 cm, has a bayonet end and sticks out of the bottle at right angles. The LPG filler is attached to the hose and is cylinder of about 20 cm long and 6 cm in diameter. He could not get them to mate up and was missing by a large margin. This is dangerous work so I backed off about 10m until he had finished.

All done and now have a complete back up units for the now primary unit of the 13 kg Repsol Red Propano gas cylinder I was never going to buy in the first place. Cooking on gas.

Tricia finally tracked down the kind of candles she was looking for “To finish off the MS”. It will never be finished as long as they is room to stuff another cushion or whatever. By the way, she bought four candles, which reminds me.......
(2 of 4 candles)

The two Ronnies.

In a hardware shop. Ronnie Corbett is behind the counter, wearing a warehouse jacket. He has just finished serving a customer.
CORBETT (muttering): There you are. Mind how you go.
(Ronnie Barker enters the shop, wearing a scruffy tank-top and beanie)
BARKER: Four Candles!
CORBETT: Four Candles?
BARKER: Four Candles.
(Ronnie Corbett makes for a box, and gets out four candles. He places them on the counter)
BARKER: No, four candles!
CORBETT (confused): Well there you are, four candles!
BARKER: No, fork 'andles! 'Andles for forks!
(Ronnie Corbett puts the candles away, and goes to get a fork handle. He places it onto the counter)CORBETT (muttering): Fork handles. Thought you said 'four candles!' (more clearly) Next?
BARKER: Got any plugs?
CORBETT: Plugs. What kind of plugs?
BARKER: A rubber one, bathroom.
(Ronnie Corbett gets out a box of bath plugs, and places it on the counter)
CORBETT (pulling out two different sized plugs): What size?
BARKER: Thirteen amp!
CORBETT (muttering): It's electric bathroom plugs, we call them, in the trade. Electric bathroom plugs!
(He puts the box away, gets out another box, and places on the counter an electric plug, then puts the box away)
BARKER: Saw tips!
CORBETT: Saw tips? (he doesn't know what he means) What d'you want? Ointment, or something like that?
BARKER: No, saw tips for covering saws.
CORBETT: Oh, haven't got any, haven't got any. (he mutters) Comin' in, but we haven' got any. Next?
BARKER: 'O's!
CORBETT: 'O's?
BARKER: 'O's.
(He goes to get a hoe, and places it on the counter)
BARKER: No, 'O's!
CORBETT: 'O's! I thought you said 'O! (he takes the hose back, and gets a hose, whilst muttering) When you said 'O's, I thought you said 'O! 'O's!
(He places the hose onto the counter)
BARKER: No, 'O's!
CORBETT (confused for a moment): O's? Oh, you mean panty 'o's, panty 'o's! (he picks up a pair of tights from beside him)
BARKER: No, no, 'O's! 'O's for the gate. Mon repose! 'O's! Letter O's!
CORBETT (finally realising): Letter O's! (muttering) You had me going there!
(He climbs up a stepladder, gets a box down, puts the ladder away, and takes the box to the counter, and searches through it for letter O's)
CORBETT: How many d'you want?
BARKER: Two.
(Ronnie Corbett leaves two letter O's on the counter, then takes the box back, gets the ladder out again, puts the box away, climbs down the ladder, and puts the ladder away, then returns to the counter)
CORBETT: Yes, next?
BARKER: Got any P's?
CORBETT (fed up): For Gawd' sake, why didn' you bleedin' tell me that while I was up there then? I'm up and down the shop already, it's up and down the bleedin' shop all the time. (He gets the ladder out, climbs up and gets the box of letters down, then puts the ladder away) Honestly, I've got all this shop, I ain't got any help, it's worth it we plan things. (He puts the box on the counter, and gets out some letter P's) How many d'you want?
BARKER: No! Tins of peas. Three tins of peas!
CORBETT: You're 'avin' me on, ain't ya, yer 'avin' me on?
BARKER: I'm not!
(Ronnie Corbett dumps the box under the counter, and gets three tins of peas)
CORBETT (placing the tins on the counter): Next?
BARKER: Got any pumps?
CORBETT (getting really fed up): 'And pumps, foot pumps? Come on!
BARKER (surprised he has to ask): Foot pumps!
CORBETT (muttering, as he goes down the shop): Foot pumps. See a foot pump? (He sees one, and picks it up) Tidy up in 'ere.
(He puts the pump down on the counter)
BARKER: No, pumps fer ya feet! Brown pump, size nine!
CORBETT (almost at breaking point): You are 'avin' me on, you are definitely 'avin' me on!
BARKER (not taking much notice of Corbett's mood): I'm not!
CORBETT: You are 'avin' me on! (He takes back the pump, and gets a pair of brown foot pumps out of a drawer, and places them on the counter) Next?
BARKER: Washers!
CORBETT (really close to breaking point): What, dishwashers, floor washers, car washers, windscreen washers, back scrubbers, lavatory cleaners? Floor washers?
BARKER: 'Alf inch washers!

CORBETT: Oh, tap washers, tap washers? (He finally breaks, and makes to confiscate his list) Look, I've had just about enough of this, give us that list. (He mutters) I'll get it all myself! (Reading through the list) What's this? What's that? Oh that does it! That just about does it! I have just about had it! (calling through to the back) Mr. Jones! You come out and serve this customer please, I have just about had enough of 'im. (Mr. Jones comes out, and Ronnie Corbett shows him the list) Look what 'e's got on there! Look what 'e's got on there!

JONES (who goes to a drawer with a towel hanging out of it, and opens it): Right! How many would ya like? One or two?

(He removes the towel to reveal the label on the drawer - 'Bill hooks'!)

25th January 2010, Marjal and it's raining.

And more forecast for the next 3 days, still it's relatively warm, about 16°C.
The other inhabitants of Marjal are obviously more acclimatised to a warmer and drier environment. Some are dressed for a stint at the Kola Peninsula in Russia, which reminds me (later). I am at present looking at a lady, dressed in full Arctic gear pushing a large overweight brown Labrador in a twin pushchair, I find this somehow unnerving.
Well this rain means two things, no cycling and SWMBO will want to go shopping. It starts with “Oh I forgot to mention it but we need new candle holders (new what!), let's get dressed, drive 20 miles to Carrefore and get some?” Also for some reason, when it rains for a while, she usually wants to make a fruit salad, why?, don't ask me, but it happened in similar circumstances about 11 years ago and we were eating fruit salad for a week! Must be something top do with “the change”.  Mind you I was quite regular for a long while after.
I must admit that I probably will lean towards going to the shops because I really do need a mouse for this computer, I cannot be doing with this pad thing especially on map based software where you really need that centre wheel. I have no idea how much they cost but at Carrefore it will be at least double.

Quite a number of people, mainly men, take their dog for a walk by attaching its lead to the handlebars of their bike and going for a ride. I cannot help it but I get this overwhelming urge to chuck a cat in their path, it will be all scraped elbows and broken teeth.

Back to the reference about the Russian thing. Because of the inclement weather we have been having “afternoon matinees” i.e. watching some of the movie DVDs we have and the other day it was K19 Widowmaker, with Harrison Ford and Liam Neison. Well it's based on a true story from the cold war and as a movie it's hardly a page turner, especially when a sad bastard like me actually remembered reading about it. Still SWMBO enjoyed it.

We have Harrison Ford's, more or less, full set, so far it's been K19, Clear & Present Danger, Regarding Henry and are left with Witness and Sabrina, the latter I have never heard of?

Prison Break still gets its slot after dinner but I'm beginning to wish I had never started it, it gets so bloody frustrating and improbable but it's like one of those books you read, don't really enjoy but have to see it through. It reminds me of “Lost”, after the first series lost on an island, the fat guy gets no thinner, none of the guys grow a beard and absolutely no one eats or goes to the bog. Roll on the Soprano's.

Got from another session at the PWC and there was music coming from the MS? Now SWMBO is not a “in the morning” music person. I found that out when we were newly married, I was, she wasn't, so it had to getter sorted out. Well it was not exactly a fight, more an ultimatum, either I get a bit (lot) frustrated or no music, never did like Jonny Mathis anyway. So what is this music?  Gets in MS and she is doing her aerobics thing and gyrating all over the place, honestly with some of her positions, especially the one designed to “improve her pelvic floor”, I'm sure only her gynaecologist should have been present. I had to quickly leave and have a beer to calm my nerves down a bit.

Stop press! The sun is out!
I am an avid fan of the various Motorhome / 5th Wheel forums that are around and I read someone's signature sign off phase which I thought was brilliant:- “I may not be a Proctologist but I know an ass-hole when I see one”.
I also need to apologise to another member of said forum, Zaskar aka Paul, for outrageously stealing the following joke, well it's not his, it's been around a while, but he recently posted it and it's one of my favourites.

Banned from the co-op
Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from the Co-op.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.


Also
Banned from B&Q

Into B&Q, salesman asked if I wanted decking, so I hit him first.

23rd January 2010, Marjal and counting the days.

In eight days time we up sticks and journey down to our next stop at Roquetas near Almeria, about 200 miles south west and still on the coast.

Weather here is pretty dull and not being able to walk anywhere due to the paths being blocked kind of cramps our style.

We actually found the pretty bit of Alicante, it does exist! We had never actually driven through to the northern part, the marina bit and it is a bit like the sea front at Nice. Were going to park at the port and go for a walk along it today but being a bit dull are going to give it a miss for a couple of days.



Used our first Spanish gas bottle and it lasted 10 days, so 1€/day is not bad for heating, cooking and fridge. Connected to the main system via T piece that allows any combination of Spanish or our re-fillable Gas-low bottles as the main supply.



BTW this is about as interesting as it gets around here so if you are bored move on to the jokes at the end.

It was Gary's birthday the other, 66 I think, day and he decided to have a “do” around 2pm outside his 5er. Tricia had not been drinking for about a week and after a couple of sherbets she was well on the way. Believe it or not I decided to stay sober and just as well because although we are only 500 yards away I don't she would have got back, 5 hours later, as she was having trouble seeing and walking in a straight line.

Yesterday we had a visit from a fellow member of the motorhomefun web site. Maggie is staying with her Mother, Margaret, in Torrevieja just a few miles away. She has been motor-homing for a lot longer than we have, she even drives the 5er rather than her husband, we learned quite a lot from her during our chat.

We did find another cycle route our of Guardamar which lead us through a park and eventually to the port.
Well after acting up for the past week or so my optical mouse has gone blind and stopped working altogether so I'm now using the touch pad, how does that work then? If I press somehow differently it changes the pointy thing into a double pointy thing with a small dot between them and the page zooms all over the place. Move across and everything goes into italics,what's going on?
This language thing is causing some small problems as well. Went in Vodafone shop and asked for a €30 “top up” and the two girls behind the counter went into hysterics, either it was the phrase for, or my pronunciation made sound like, blow job, thank God SWMBO was with me or they would have thought I was some kind of pervert.

Went for, what turned out to be, a glorious meal (cheap) at the “social club” café in Rojales, SWMBO was especially impressed and looked up the phrase for “That was a wonderful meal”.

“Hemos comido muy bien”, or “ehmohs komeedoh mwee byehn” phonetically. Back at the MS and as a point of interest I decided to look it up in Portuguese thinking (wrongly) that it may be similar, “comemos muit bem”, or phonetically, get this “come here mush mweento baim”.

Was thinking back to Christmas and dug out some of the photos we took then. That's my brother Alan and that's his real hair. The other is Ashdown Forest on New years Day.

Jokes as promised.

Might have posted this before?

 For those of us that have ever used a Haynes Manual in attempting home car maintenance......


 Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
 Translation: Clamp with molegrips (adjustable wrench) then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise. You do know which way is anticlockwise, don't you?

 Haynes: Should remove easily.
 Translation: Will be corroded into place ... clamp with adjustable wrench then beat repeatedly with a hammer.

 Haynes: This is a snug fit.
 Translation: You will skin your knuckles! ... Clamp with adjustable wrench then beat repeatedly with hammer.

 Haynes: This is a tight fit.
 Translation: Not a hope in hell matey! ... Clamp with adjustable wrench then beat repeatedly with hammer.

 Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
 Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.

 Haynes: Pry...
 Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...

 Haynes: Undo...
 Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (industrial size).

 Haynes: Ease ...
 Translation: Apply superhuman strength to ...

 Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
 Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!

 Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
 Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part and remaining glass shards.

 Haynes: Lightly...
 Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because what you are doing now cannot be considered "lightly".

 Haynes: Weekly checks...
 Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!

 Haynes: Routine maintenance...
 Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!

 Haynes: One spanner rating (simple).
 Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up?

 Haynes: Two spanner rating.
 Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, ikkle number... but you also thought that the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).

 Haynes: Three spanner rating (intermediate).
 Translation: Make sure you won't need your car for a couple of days and that your AA cover includes Home Start.

 Haynes: Four spanner rating.
 Translation: You are seriously considering this aren't you, you pleb!

 Haynes: Five spanner rating (expert).
 Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride it afterwards!!!
 Translation #2: Don't ever carry your loved ones in it again and don't mention it to your insurance company.

 Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
 Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

 Haynes: Compress...
 Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search for it in the dark corner of the garage whilst muttering "******" repeatedly under your breath.

 Haynes: Inspect...
 Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"!

 Haynes: Carefully...
 Translation: You are about to cut yourself!

 Haynes: Retaining nut...
 Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.

 Haynes: Get an assistant...
 Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

 Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
 Translation: But you swear in different places.

 Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
 Translation: Snap off...

 Haynes: Using a suitable drift or pin-punch...
 Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!

 Haynes: Everyday toolkit
 Translation: Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone

 Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
 Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat. 
 Translation #2: Heat up until glowing red, if it still doesn't come undone use a hacksaw.

 Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
 Translation: Unless you have a blast furnace, don't bother. Clamp with adjustable wrench then beat repeatedly with hammer.

 Haynes: Index
 Translation: List of all the things in the book bar the thing you want to do!

 Haynes: Remove oil filter using an oil filter chain wrench or length of bicycle chain.
 Translation: Stick a screwdriver through it and beat handle repeatedly with a hammer.

 Haynes: Replace old gasket with a new one.
 Translation: I know I've got a tube of Krazy Glue around here somewhere.

 Haynes: Grease well before refitting.
 Translation: Spend an hour searching for your tub of grease before chancing upon a bottle of washing-up liquid. Wipe some congealed washing up liquid from the dispenser nozzle and use that since it's got a similar texture and will probably get you to Halfords to buy some Castrol grease.

 Haynes: See illustration for details
 Translation: None of the illustrations notes will match the pictured exploded, numbered parts. The unit illustrated is from a previous or variant model.

 HAYNES GUIDE TO TOOLS OF THE TRADE

 HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer is nowadays used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

 ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.

 PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

 HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

 MOLE-GRIPS/ADJUSTABLE WRENCH: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

 OXYACETELENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake-drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

 WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for for the last 15 minutes.

 DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

 WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls in about the time it takes you to say, "F...."

 HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering car to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front wing.

 EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a hydraulic jack.

 TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.

 PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbour to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

 SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

 BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

 TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.

 TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

 CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

 AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

 INSPECTION LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate as 105-mm howitzer shells during the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper- and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a fossil-fuel burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 30 years ago by someone in Dagenham, and rounds them off.

PRY (CROW) BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 pence part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.



A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's

been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.

One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However,

he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.

He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"



The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal

and sleep in your house for tonight"

The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my grandaughter"



The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tommorrow morning."



The old Chinese man counters "Ok, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst chinese torture tests ever known to man."



"Ok, Ok" the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?

Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he saw how beautiful the grandaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many,many months without companionship.

And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.

That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite a time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that

night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience."

Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign

saying "1st Chinese torture test: 100 lb rock on your chest".

"What a lame torture test" the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside

of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to right testicle".

The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third sign saying "3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to bedpost".

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that

American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

18th January 2010, Marjal, dull grey and lifeless.

18th January 2010, Marjal, dull grey and lifeless.


And it is, couldn't even rouse ourselves into a cycle ride. Still it is relatively warm.
Oh and Sunderland lost 2 - 7 to Chelsea, bloody hell!
Had some good news, the rejected insurance claim has been “reconsidered” and we may get something back. In total is cost us over £1,000 and depending on how they accept un-receipted items we may be looking at about £600. (do not cover lost paper, passports etc.)



Went through to Rojales yesterday and due to the winter rains the “mosaic” tiles SWMBO spotted last time have miraculously been washed away. Now wait a minute, I've just typed a few words that I am not always sure I can spell correctly and the “spell correcter” (or corrector?) usually sorts or points out the right spelling. For instance “miraculously” is not a word I use often, as is “often”, but is it spelled (spelt) right or is the software not doing it's job.

Ode to a Spell Checker

Eye halve a spelling chequer,
It came with my pea sea,
It plainly marques four review
miss takes eye can knot sea,
I strike a quay and type a word
And weight for it to say
Weather eye am wrong or rite
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is made;
It nose bee four two long
And eye can put the error rite;
Its rare le ever wrong.
Eye has run this poem threw and I’m shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect all the weigh
My chequer told me so.


An now a slight rant (again).

London Times Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense


'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplast to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.'

MORE IMPORTANTLY . . . .

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600 employees and has the following statistics?

29 have been accused of spouse abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad cheques
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
4 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year

and 100's have claimed “not to have done anything unlawful” with regards to expenses.

Which organisation is this? . . .

It's the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Back to here, have been having trouble with the electrics on the MS. I had installed an extra two (making four) which gives approximately 450 ampere hours, i.e. could run a 1KW heater for about 110 hours, but then it would be completely flat and could never be used again. So more realistically 50 hours or so. We leave a 30 watt light on (without mains connected) for a couple of hours and the battery meter reads almost zero. So I spent hours taking the batteries out and checking them only to find that due to the myriad of wires only one was actually connected to the MS, call myself an electrician!

We have more or less decided that we will move on at the end of the month, I mean that's what it's all about really, move on and do some touring, see different places, meet new people. Some of the site's inhabitants, single and couples, have been coming here and spending, 6-10 months here for the past 10 years, why?

So it's off to Roquetas Del Mar, about 200 miles south west, near Almeria. It will also cost us about £200/month less than here so there's a bonus.

19th Tuesday and washing day again, except the bloody sun has gone walkies, damn.

Spent hours trying to find out why the mains was not working. Got up this morning switched on our one and only mains light, nada. Checked fuses, mains cable, mains reset, tried plugging into next door's outlet, zip. “Have you tried changing the bulb?”. “Don't be bloody stupid, it's not the bulb, we have not got any mains on!” “How come my laptop is re-charging then?”

“shit, shit, shit”

“No that's a different kind of electricity you've got there Pet, uses an invertathingyjig, you would not understand, why not go and do the washing up while I fix this lot”.

Soon as she was out of the way I quickly changed the bulb and “fixed” the problem. When she got back she was very pleased and said, “It's great to have a man about the place pity I'm stuck with a banker”, at least that's what I thought she said.

12th January 2010, Marjal and it's a bit windy

Well I guess we have settled back into it and although it's pretty windy many people are out there sun bathing, no snow here mate.

(no pics as we have not been out much and there's nothing to take.)

After turning the MS inside out I cannot find the wallet I left our two Spanish SIMs in, can only imagine I took it home and left it there. So off to Carrefore and the Vodafone shop to buy another, €24 for some reason as it should have been €30, I did not argue so long as we have the 18 cents /minute feature for calling the UK (after 8 pm local time mind you). But at least when someone calls us we are not charged at all.

SWMBO used all the time that was in it to call anybody she knew because we have been cut off for 3 days, so back to shop to put more €'s in, for some reason you cannot do it using an ATM?

A few sayings to keep you interested.

A Few Zen Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously:

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. (My son Adam's favourite)
Everyone has a photographic memory; Some just don't have film.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "what happened?"

Thinking about some of the above I put the kettle on last night and just watched it, it boiled, so there goes another myth, I'll try running with scissors next, which reminds me.

Tricia decided to go on an, anything I touch I will break but it's not my fault, regime.

She started by pulling the blinds off one of the windows, “didn't touch, it just fell off when I cleaned the window!” Took me an hour to fix.

Then the cover plate of the “rock & roll” bed fell off, “I was only getting the brush out from under it!” 15 minutes. I actually broke our scissors and left them out to mend, only needed a new rivet, she threw them out with the rubbish, “I didn't know, nobody told me!”

Then our new phone. “Er...it's asking for a PUK?” Now for that message to appear the user must have typed in the pin code, wrongly, 3 times. “What code did you type in Pet?” “The right one silly, the one we always use”. It turns out she did use the correct numbers but not quite in the correct order. Which results in a PUK and you have to call your provider, prove who you are and then they will send (e-mail) you it. BTW if you put in the wrong PUK more than a few times the SIM gets fried, new SIM needed.

We had only had the bloody thing 5 hours! The other way is to have all the purchasing documentation at hand and as she hadn't thrown away that yet, or had she?, we were saved.

I tried SWMBO's Nintendo DS “Brain Trainer”, apparently I'm 71 years old, I didn't know it was a speed thing, just get them right. I'm now down to 48 and getting stronger all the time.

Washing day again, but with this wind, by the time you (she) hung them up they are dry and you take them down or go fetch them from the end of the camp site, where your underpants have lovingly wrapped themselves round someone's wind protector guy rope.

The West Wing is finished and we have moved on to “Prison Break”, as recommended by my ex-racketball partner Ron C. Well it's about a guy on death row for a crime he did not commit and his brother gets himself put inside (same prison by coincidence) to “break him out”. Tricia loves it, me ho hum, but it beats conversation.

Sometimes I wonder how SWMBO manages to function at all considering some of the “thought” processes she has. For instance she keeps her clothes pegs together by attaching them a piece of card about 2cm x 10cm, they came like that, she did not invent it. “I've lost my peg card!”, and then spent about an hour looking for it. “Make a new one Pet”. “How?” “By cutting a piece of card to the correct size”. About 30 minutes later she proudly produces her “new” peg card by cutting up the back of a notebook we cannot now use any more, still she's happy.
When we were leaving for our Christmas “break” the local council were clearing the river (Segura) and canals, of overgrowth and rubbish, problem is they “emptied” everything on to the cycle and foot paths, so we are effectively locked in. The only cycling is by using the busy N 332 which takes no prisoners, same goes for walking on it. Going to get fatter.
I was thinking about the MP expenses thing and it reminded me:-

FIVE SURGEONS

Five Canadian Surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first an Ontario surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second a Quebec surgeon responds, "Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded."

The third a B.C. surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth an Alberta surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.

But the fifth, a Newfoundland surgeon, shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, no morals about expenses and the head and the ass are interchangeable.

Last update, Tricia has finally found and used the gym, considering that back home people pay £30/month for a gym/swimming pool/tennis courts etc., £30/month for BB and £60/month for electricity and we have been getting them all for free as part of our rent, it's not too bad.

Now our monthly rent has gone up to €560 and not including electricity, it's now kind of expensive so I finally fitted the Spanish gas bottle into the main system and we are now “cooking on gas”, as well as heating, water heating and freezing (fridge freezer) on gas.
Dateline 15/01/2010

Found a new route to Guardamar not using the dreaded N 332 and SWMBO found that some of the shops were having their “January Sales” . So she finally bought some cushions (2) and a large metal wall clock. Weather is now 20°C and sunny so lying around sunbathing and reading. How's the snow?

We also heard that we now have a new lodger, Richard, Derek L's son. Nice to have someone you actually know and I hope they all get along OK. At the last count it's Adam, Heather, Antonia, Olly and now Richard. I hope one of them knows how to wash up.
 
Just had king prawns in garlic butter and fresh bread, yunny, now off to the PWC.

12th January 2010 Back at Marjal

12th January 2010 Back at Marjal

(BTW for those who find these too long and boring to read, and this herein is three weeks work, a synopsis.

Went back to UK, Christmas, Docs, New Year, saw friends and relatives, late coming back, now here, there you are, done.)

What really happened:-

We had booked Easyjet to fly back on 19th of December and were lucky in that all flights for 3 days either side were cancelled due to bad weather (snow) at Gatwick.

Old Mo, aka Maurice, volunteered to give us a lift to the airport just south of Alicante and he deposited us at terminal T1. Got in and flight was still on the board but a slight delay and it was going from T2, at the other end of the terminal. Hand baggage only so off we trot to gate 21 at far end of T2. T2 stairs and elevators in a no go situation “sorry for inconvenience etc. please use stairs at T1”. All the back to T1 and get through to air side and back all the way to the the last gate, yep, gate 21.

G&T and ate the previously prepared pizza and waited. I got bored, well I saw a sign for “English beer” and who could resist?

Just raising pint, at €6/pint!, to lips when see SWMBO dashing past, with all our baggage and with 200 or so other Gatwick bound passengers in her wake. Grabs pint and follows. “We've been told to go to gate 1 immediately”, she gasps as I explain I cannot possibly carry a bag and my pint at the same time.

We arrive at Gate 1 and I reluctantly finish my beer.

Then “All passengers going to Gatwick on EZY 8669 please go (meaning run) to gate 7. 200 people who had fought to get to their rightful place at the front of the queue at gate 21 and gate 1, are now at the back when the mob arrives at gate 7. What the other passengers waiting for their flights thought of this to'ing and fro'ing, God only knows.

Now this flight was full and some people had paid the extra €10 for “speedy boarding”, which means they get to go to the front of the queue and therefore get to pick whatever seats they want. Kind of puts a smile on my face when all they get is to board a bus first and scramble like the rest of us when deposited at the plane. Got on plane and the first 10 rows, 2 x 3 seats were filled by couples, mainly oldish or Caravan Club members, and are sitting in first 2 aisle seats leaving the window one empty, obliviously hoping to get a spare between them. We had been told the plane was full FFS, what kind of anal retentives are these people, the flights only 2 hours long! The only one that got away with it was this women and her baby, who was busily throwing up as we got on.

We get to sit together and are joined by a spotty, morose, hoody, teenager who collapses into the aisle seat and never moves again. We read our books, I had a glass of very expensive red wine (please remember what I've been used to) which made me kind of heady, and then we arrived.

The plane parked so far away from the terminal I thought we were at Heathrow, even the pilot apologised! At last a couple of buses arrived and dumped us at a part of the terminal that was as far as possible from passport control as you can get and still remain in Sussex. Got through and phoned Adam for a pick up. Arrived outside of the north (see later) terminal still dressed, mind you, as recent sun seekers and nearly froze to death in 6 inches of snow. Waited and finally phoned Adam, “Where are you?”. “Hi Dad, been circling the terminal for ages 'cos they won't let me park”. “Which terminal?” “er...South?” Wrong answer, so 10 more minutes of shivering and he arrives and gets us back to Forest Row”.

Funny thing is we both feel as though we are visiting someone not returning home. There has been a shift along the way and “home” is in the Mothership and anywhere else but here.

The next few weeks:-

Er indoors had been going on at me to get “seen to” at the docs. What she meant was the so called hernia I had been suffering from and had now gone away (although my left nut was still aching slightly) should be checked out. “If something terminal was going to happen to you, how am I going to get back to Marjal?” was the romantic way she put it.

So next day goes to said docs not expecting an appointment for weeks as usual. “Er...can I see a doctor?” “2:30 pm today be all-right?” We were visiting someone that afternoon. “Sorry no can do”. “Oh I've just realised we've had a cancellation because no one can get here through the heavy snow, 8:40 am with Dr Winn?” I.e. NOW! “Er...OK”.
So sits down and a few minutes later “Mr Swinhoe?”
Dr Winn turns out to be 30'ish, tall, brunette and of the female persuasion.

Gets in and asks for my 3 months of blood pressure pills for the next trip so I can drink and smoke at my normal rate without exploding and mentions as afterthought my troubles “down there”.

Well I just thought she would explain that everything sounded hunky dory and out I go.

No. “Will it be all right if I examine your groin?” “Er...OK”. “Will it be all right if I examine your testicles?” Oh Lordy!, what could I say? “Er.....I guess so”.
“OK go next door and strip to the waist”.

This immediately reminded me of an episode of “Fools and Horses” when Dell Boy went to a female doctor about a chest pain and was asked to strip to the waist. In and out walks the Doctor saying “I meant up from the waist Mr Trotter!”
Well in my case it was the former. So I whips off the trousers etc. in the examination room and hear

“Just lie on the couch and I'll be their as soon as I get these rubber gloves on”. RUBBER GLOVES!

So I do so and in she walks. Now it turns out that she had made it in from Lewes, about 20 miles away, but no one had expected her in therefore the early appointment, but the last thing she probably wanted to see, first thing in the morning was what looked like the last turkey in the shop!

So I close my eyes and think of anything but now. So as she is examining first my groin area then big John and the twins, I am stripping the clutch of my Yamaha Fazer motorcycle, trying to remember the torque settings for all the nuts, NO! I mean bolts. Then she starts to gyrate my legs because it could be caused by trapped nerves in my back. “Oh Lordy, Lordy, take me back to old Virginia!”

At last it's over and I have not embarrassed myself by getting a woody and she explains that the ache in my left nut can be reflected pain from a bad groin strain, never heard of that but there you go. She then decided to take my blood pressure, well the mercury more or less exploded out of the tube as she remarked that it was “a bit high”, I wonder why.

She also explained that everything “down there” I should not worry about a thing, but I should regularly “check myself out” in case something “came up”, if Sid James had walked in then I would not have been surprised.
I mentioned this to SWMBO adding that it would be better if this was carried out every morning, preferably by a third party for thoroughness, she replied “Then you're going to die early mate”.
Christmas and there abouts

Got the usual stuff socks, underpants and aftershave etc. except first born Adam, got me something absolutely cracking, an electrically adjustable wrench, how cool is that! I also got a bottle of pure malt which I drank almost immediately as I have it on good authority that if left in the bottle it will evaporate.

The rest of Christmas was pretty much a blur, what changes?, Christmas dinner was great, mainly because SWMBO was not drunk this time, as she was last year from too many early “sherberts”. Staying at the house was Olly, Heather's soon to become a commercial Pilot, boyfriend and Antonia, Adam's soon to become fiancé, girlfriend, it was so busy.

New Year's eve party was OK but the music was not, thank heavens Nas and Maggie, lived local and allowed the 20 of us to descend on them to see in the New Year.

Visited friends and relatives for the few days the weather allowed waiting for 6th January to come round and back to the Mothership and warmth.
When we visited Aunty Joyce and Tricia's brother Gerald in Dudley early January, she found out that there was a closing down sale at House of Fraser in town. Off she pops and comes back with the announcement, “I've just saved £700!” When I eventually came round it was still true! She uses Lancome, which is probably the most expensive face cream etc. that you can actually buy. A bottle of “Blue stuff” that gets the previous days other Lancome products off is about 33 mls and costs £35! It's just blue coloured white spirit for heavens sake. Anyway it turns out that some of the stuff she would have paid £51 for has been reduced to £12, so she basically bought the lot. I'm thinking ebay at the moment.

Then when she wanted to actually bring the stuff back, hand baggage would not do because they were over the 100 mls limit so we should get a “big” bag as hold luggage. Easyjet, “That will be another £80 please”. 2 x ticket changes and £20 for extra bag. Er ...no thank you and we posted them in a Jiffy box for £7.



Unfortunately the snow arrived first and Easyjet cancelled just about every flight they could lay hands on, including ours. On the internet and Easyjet site everything OK, arrive at airport, cancelled! Eventually got away on Sunday 10th ,along with another full plane load, arriving late enough to worry about not getting on to the site because it was after mid night, just made it though.

Woke up Alan, who had our alarm keys, got in and no beer, no nothing! Even SWMBO was distressed and fancied a little drinkie.

Date line, Marjal 12th January 6pm.



It's pissing down outside.