12th January 2010 Back at Marjal

12th January 2010 Back at Marjal

(BTW for those who find these too long and boring to read, and this herein is three weeks work, a synopsis.

Went back to UK, Christmas, Docs, New Year, saw friends and relatives, late coming back, now here, there you are, done.)

What really happened:-

We had booked Easyjet to fly back on 19th of December and were lucky in that all flights for 3 days either side were cancelled due to bad weather (snow) at Gatwick.

Old Mo, aka Maurice, volunteered to give us a lift to the airport just south of Alicante and he deposited us at terminal T1. Got in and flight was still on the board but a slight delay and it was going from T2, at the other end of the terminal. Hand baggage only so off we trot to gate 21 at far end of T2. T2 stairs and elevators in a no go situation “sorry for inconvenience etc. please use stairs at T1”. All the back to T1 and get through to air side and back all the way to the the last gate, yep, gate 21.

G&T and ate the previously prepared pizza and waited. I got bored, well I saw a sign for “English beer” and who could resist?

Just raising pint, at €6/pint!, to lips when see SWMBO dashing past, with all our baggage and with 200 or so other Gatwick bound passengers in her wake. Grabs pint and follows. “We've been told to go to gate 1 immediately”, she gasps as I explain I cannot possibly carry a bag and my pint at the same time.

We arrive at Gate 1 and I reluctantly finish my beer.

Then “All passengers going to Gatwick on EZY 8669 please go (meaning run) to gate 7. 200 people who had fought to get to their rightful place at the front of the queue at gate 21 and gate 1, are now at the back when the mob arrives at gate 7. What the other passengers waiting for their flights thought of this to'ing and fro'ing, God only knows.

Now this flight was full and some people had paid the extra €10 for “speedy boarding”, which means they get to go to the front of the queue and therefore get to pick whatever seats they want. Kind of puts a smile on my face when all they get is to board a bus first and scramble like the rest of us when deposited at the plane. Got on plane and the first 10 rows, 2 x 3 seats were filled by couples, mainly oldish or Caravan Club members, and are sitting in first 2 aisle seats leaving the window one empty, obliviously hoping to get a spare between them. We had been told the plane was full FFS, what kind of anal retentives are these people, the flights only 2 hours long! The only one that got away with it was this women and her baby, who was busily throwing up as we got on.

We get to sit together and are joined by a spotty, morose, hoody, teenager who collapses into the aisle seat and never moves again. We read our books, I had a glass of very expensive red wine (please remember what I've been used to) which made me kind of heady, and then we arrived.

The plane parked so far away from the terminal I thought we were at Heathrow, even the pilot apologised! At last a couple of buses arrived and dumped us at a part of the terminal that was as far as possible from passport control as you can get and still remain in Sussex. Got through and phoned Adam for a pick up. Arrived outside of the north (see later) terminal still dressed, mind you, as recent sun seekers and nearly froze to death in 6 inches of snow. Waited and finally phoned Adam, “Where are you?”. “Hi Dad, been circling the terminal for ages 'cos they won't let me park”. “Which terminal?” “er...South?” Wrong answer, so 10 more minutes of shivering and he arrives and gets us back to Forest Row”.

Funny thing is we both feel as though we are visiting someone not returning home. There has been a shift along the way and “home” is in the Mothership and anywhere else but here.

The next few weeks:-

Er indoors had been going on at me to get “seen to” at the docs. What she meant was the so called hernia I had been suffering from and had now gone away (although my left nut was still aching slightly) should be checked out. “If something terminal was going to happen to you, how am I going to get back to Marjal?” was the romantic way she put it.

So next day goes to said docs not expecting an appointment for weeks as usual. “Er...can I see a doctor?” “2:30 pm today be all-right?” We were visiting someone that afternoon. “Sorry no can do”. “Oh I've just realised we've had a cancellation because no one can get here through the heavy snow, 8:40 am with Dr Winn?” I.e. NOW! “Er...OK”.
So sits down and a few minutes later “Mr Swinhoe?”
Dr Winn turns out to be 30'ish, tall, brunette and of the female persuasion.

Gets in and asks for my 3 months of blood pressure pills for the next trip so I can drink and smoke at my normal rate without exploding and mentions as afterthought my troubles “down there”.

Well I just thought she would explain that everything sounded hunky dory and out I go.

No. “Will it be all right if I examine your groin?” “Er...OK”. “Will it be all right if I examine your testicles?” Oh Lordy!, what could I say? “Er.....I guess so”.
“OK go next door and strip to the waist”.

This immediately reminded me of an episode of “Fools and Horses” when Dell Boy went to a female doctor about a chest pain and was asked to strip to the waist. In and out walks the Doctor saying “I meant up from the waist Mr Trotter!”
Well in my case it was the former. So I whips off the trousers etc. in the examination room and hear

“Just lie on the couch and I'll be their as soon as I get these rubber gloves on”. RUBBER GLOVES!

So I do so and in she walks. Now it turns out that she had made it in from Lewes, about 20 miles away, but no one had expected her in therefore the early appointment, but the last thing she probably wanted to see, first thing in the morning was what looked like the last turkey in the shop!

So I close my eyes and think of anything but now. So as she is examining first my groin area then big John and the twins, I am stripping the clutch of my Yamaha Fazer motorcycle, trying to remember the torque settings for all the nuts, NO! I mean bolts. Then she starts to gyrate my legs because it could be caused by trapped nerves in my back. “Oh Lordy, Lordy, take me back to old Virginia!”

At last it's over and I have not embarrassed myself by getting a woody and she explains that the ache in my left nut can be reflected pain from a bad groin strain, never heard of that but there you go. She then decided to take my blood pressure, well the mercury more or less exploded out of the tube as she remarked that it was “a bit high”, I wonder why.

She also explained that everything “down there” I should not worry about a thing, but I should regularly “check myself out” in case something “came up”, if Sid James had walked in then I would not have been surprised.
I mentioned this to SWMBO adding that it would be better if this was carried out every morning, preferably by a third party for thoroughness, she replied “Then you're going to die early mate”.
Christmas and there abouts

Got the usual stuff socks, underpants and aftershave etc. except first born Adam, got me something absolutely cracking, an electrically adjustable wrench, how cool is that! I also got a bottle of pure malt which I drank almost immediately as I have it on good authority that if left in the bottle it will evaporate.

The rest of Christmas was pretty much a blur, what changes?, Christmas dinner was great, mainly because SWMBO was not drunk this time, as she was last year from too many early “sherberts”. Staying at the house was Olly, Heather's soon to become a commercial Pilot, boyfriend and Antonia, Adam's soon to become fiancé, girlfriend, it was so busy.

New Year's eve party was OK but the music was not, thank heavens Nas and Maggie, lived local and allowed the 20 of us to descend on them to see in the New Year.

Visited friends and relatives for the few days the weather allowed waiting for 6th January to come round and back to the Mothership and warmth.
When we visited Aunty Joyce and Tricia's brother Gerald in Dudley early January, she found out that there was a closing down sale at House of Fraser in town. Off she pops and comes back with the announcement, “I've just saved £700!” When I eventually came round it was still true! She uses Lancome, which is probably the most expensive face cream etc. that you can actually buy. A bottle of “Blue stuff” that gets the previous days other Lancome products off is about 33 mls and costs £35! It's just blue coloured white spirit for heavens sake. Anyway it turns out that some of the stuff she would have paid £51 for has been reduced to £12, so she basically bought the lot. I'm thinking ebay at the moment.

Then when she wanted to actually bring the stuff back, hand baggage would not do because they were over the 100 mls limit so we should get a “big” bag as hold luggage. Easyjet, “That will be another £80 please”. 2 x ticket changes and £20 for extra bag. Er ...no thank you and we posted them in a Jiffy box for £7.



Unfortunately the snow arrived first and Easyjet cancelled just about every flight they could lay hands on, including ours. On the internet and Easyjet site everything OK, arrive at airport, cancelled! Eventually got away on Sunday 10th ,along with another full plane load, arriving late enough to worry about not getting on to the site because it was after mid night, just made it though.

Woke up Alan, who had our alarm keys, got in and no beer, no nothing! Even SWMBO was distressed and fancied a little drinkie.

Date line, Marjal 12th January 6pm.



It's pissing down outside.