Sunday 14th February 2010, Roquetas and a busy day.

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SWMBO didn't get her chucky eggs this morning as she had scrambled eggs yesterday, but being Valentines day I promised to take her out for a proper Sunday roast. What I probably didn't tell her was that at the time of the dinner England would be playing in the six nations against Italy and the pub had a telly. Anyway that was for later.

The plan was to go to the Sunday market at Vicar, a village about 8 miles away. As the sky was black and threatening rain we decided to drive. Good choice because Vicar, the village, was half way up a mountain and it was the wrong Vicar. We needed the commercial part of it, 5 miles further south.

Mainly clothes and pretty bad ones at that were on sale, but on a whim I decided to get a man handbag. Now I have always sworn I would never get one, I'm a northerner for God's sake, but the Spanish guys have them and I'm sick of carrying, keys, camera, wallet, cigs, glasses etc. in my pockets. It looks like I'm pleased to see anybody!

“Well while you're about it why not get one in pink, you puffta.” was not the kind of encouragement I usually get from SWMBO but I pressed on and got a nice black leather one for €9.5, sorted.

We also bought some vegetables but when we figured out what we had paid for them we soon realised we had been bloody robbed, they hear you foreign accent and you are done. Tricia had another spiral yorkshire pudding and that was all we spent!

Back to MS and still no rain, read books for a while and decided to cycle to the “Spinnaker” pub where the match, sorry, dinner was booked. Well! Lovely tender beef, five vegetables, real English Yorkshire pudding and gravy you could stand your knife up in, including a complimentary class of wine €6.5, can't be bad and it wasn't. Watched end of a FA cup draw between Bolton and Spurs and the rugby which England won by 17 – 12, but at the end it was a close run thing. Noway half exciting as the Wales v Scotland match on Saturday, that was a cracker.

Now the extra pint of John Smiths washed down with a pint of San Miguel and two large red wines on top of the cherry pie and ice cream was fine at the time. Remembering that I had to cycle 5 miles, into the wind, along the coast with a black sky, rain coming and feeling about six months pregnant was not.

We had planned liver and mashed potatoes tonight, one of our favourites but somehow I don't think so.

Tricia's been reading an Andy McNab book and kept on mumbling about it being crap and far fetched, so I told her to stop reading it then. “I can't, it's so bad it can only get better”. It didn't, and late last night I heard it slapping against the bedroom wall with the accompanied words of “Stupid bugger!”

She's now on a book about the Amazon which seems an improvement. “What's it about?” “The Amazon!” “I can see that, the bloody title's the bloody Amazon, but what's it about, a thriller, historical, spy stuff?”
“The Amazon!”
I just hope Andy McNab's in it.

Showing my age I know but I was musing the other day about adverts, I mean billboard adverts.

For some unknown reason the Smirnoff ads during 1971 – 76, sprung into my mind, they went something like:-

“Accountancy was my life until I discovered Smirnoff, the effect was shattering!”

Also

“I never saw further than the boy next door until I discovered Smirnoff, the effect was shattering!”

But the one I remember most vividly was scrawled on a bog wall in Newcastle University.

“I thought Wan King was in China until I discovered Smirnoff, the effect was shattering!” Still makes me smile, as does the pretentious one next to it, “Heisenberg rules, he thinks, OK?”. Funny how these things come back to you?

I'm in a dilemma, a quandary, I'm also in the Prudential but it does not help me decide to get another lock for the MS door. It has two as standard but as I keep hearing from my fellow campers “They're no bloody good, just need a big screwdriver, mate and the scrotes are in!” So I fitted an internal bolt. “That won't stop them trying to get in and knackering your locks!” So it looks like I am going to get poorer and Fiamma richer when I buy one of their external Magnum locks, trouble is it cost too much to ship it to Spain and we don't get back until June. I think I'll just wedge a chair behind the door.

Monday 15th February and it's raining again!
Dull, cloudy, windy and the the electric went off.

Looked round and noticed I had the electric fire on 1.5 KW, water heater 800 W, mains light and PC 200 W, Fridge / freezer 600 W (at times), Kettle 1.8 KW and then I switched on the microwave 800 W, to warm my milk for the early morning coffee, bang and off. As that's over 5 KW in total, 20A! On a 10A supply.
So not such a surprise then.

Got a feeling we are going shopping, again!

Some sayings
 (may be repeats, I'm starting to forget)

So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went


T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."

You invented Tipp Ex, correct me if I'm wrong.

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End'

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Fine. Where is he?"

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said,

"You've got cholera."

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue, and I couldn't put it down.

I phoned the local ramblers club today, and this bloke just went on and on.

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?? I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

So I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this is for the custard."

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins.

It was a turtle disaster.

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

I phoned the local builders today, I said to them "Can I have a skipoutside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!"

So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"

So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought that's Aboriginal.

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director & I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said "I careered off the road"

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's so tiny you couldn't swing a cat in there.

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays." (my absolute favourite)

So I went to the local video shop and I said, "Can I take out The Elephant Man?" He said, "He's not your type." I said "How about Batman Forever?" He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"

12th February 2010, Roquetas and she is on the spend.

(A new record! The last post was one more, 28, than the number published under the first blog. Working it out I've written over 40 K words, and you poor bastids have had to read them!)

Weather OK except it rains at night, which is fine by me.

My body is finally coming to terms with the soup and is keeping me nice and regular, which is a good thing.

Tricia's bike managed a puncture in the back wheel, it is a presta and not a schrader valve fitting and my pump's adapter is useless, well very useless after I broke it in frustration. Managed OK and fixed said puncture. “Let's go for a ride!” (I wish)

These are the magic words that native American Indians use as part of a rain dance. "Heyaya, heyaya, heyaya, lets go for a ride, heyaya, heyaya". I know because I saw it in one of John Wayne's films, you know the one where they use all the standard phases. “We'll cut them off at the pass”, and “Get down off your horse and stick your hands up, yah bum”, “The bullet is still in her yet”, (where the hell is a women's yet?) and “The only good Indian is a Chicken Madras”, That movie, yes.

So as you guessed, no sooner than the words were out of her mouth, it pissed down. “Well, we might as well go shopping”.

Now a few days back, in a shop advertising that everything was at least 30% off, I noticed a cafeteria, with two matching glass mugs. “That looks nice”, I said to myself and only €17 for the set, pity there are only two mugs. Now I know I may have sub vocalised it, and I know for a fact that she was at the other side of the store; but the phase, “That looks nice”, uttered by me, tends to teleport SWMBO from what ever point in space she is at the time, to my side with one hand already in my money pocket.

“Oooh! I like it too, let's buy it”. “But Pet, I only said.....” “YOU SAID YOU LIKED IT! I HEARD YOU!”

No way out so we went to the lady and asked for a set with four mugs. “Only two per set”. SWMBO gently took her by the throat and proceeded to persuade her to give us four mugs but she was having none of it as the set actually came in a box and she would not split them. There was supposed to be a sale on! So I'm thinking I've got out of that one then, when Tricia solves the problem by buying two sets and saying that the extra jug with be a perfect present for someone. Now I've got to admit the logic was pretty damn good and just gave in.

She is gradually adding things to make the MS more like home, it is home! This is where we live for ten months of the year. So far it's two cushions, a clock, four candles, the cafeteria set and various “must haves” for the kitchen area. At the moment she is on the look out for a potato masher but I do believe that any such thing actually exists in Spain. We do like our liver and mashed potato.

Spent the rest of the day buying, a new bicycle pump, extra slide locks for the MS and special present for someone out there who's birthday it will soon be. Unfortunately it's too big to post and as we will not be there for the event, I will send a picture in it's place nearer the time.

Market day yesterday and it was threatening rain we decided to drive, only 3 miles but WTH.

Got a bag of “Churros”, which is a continuous spiral of batter, cooked in hot oil. Basically a long Yorkshire Pudding, she loved it, me so so. She bought a shirt for €3, which is very nice but will probably fall to pieces in a week.

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We are planning a run out to Granada, about 200 miles there and back, which may seem like a long way for a “run out” but that's why we are here, to see things I guess.

Having a problem with one of the air suspension units on the Navara, which seems to be off centre and I'm sure will need re-fitting, which I can do but I will talk to Calder Leisure (the MS dealer) to check first.

Saturday 13th February 2010

What can I say, we've had non stop rain and it's going to be like this for the next 10 days, temperature about 12°C, can only thank God we are in a 5er with plenty of room and not cramped in a motorhome. So what to do? Well I've obviously got plenty of time to subject you lot out there with a few more anecdotes and blatant lies.

SWMBO heard the rain this morning and after being served scrambled eggs on toast, decided to stay in bed and read, it's 11:15 am and that's her. She's not stupid that one. Time check, it's now 12:14 PM!

We are planning a trip to Granada but as it is 100 miles away we might as well stay a night and see all the stuff, in the rain of course. Can get a double en suite in the Granada Central Hotel for €50 if you book the day before. If not, it will be the local Ibis at €44/night. Something to look forward to I guess and never been there and apparently plenty to see.



The following is with respect to “The boy from nowhere” sung by Tom Jones and just about sums up my feelings at the moment, if you know the tune, it helps.

The nights grow cold, my search for Gold (sunshine)

Is leading nowhere

Whichever lonely road I take

It seems to go where it's a fight to survive just until tomorrow

How can I display what I know I'm worthy of when they turn me away

For being twin axle and 13 meters long


The doors are closed to such as I and SWMBO

A couple from East Grinstead (Actually Forest Row which is a lot more up market)

But not to those who merely buy the right

To go where they'll be met with respect, not humiliation

A man's place on earth

I have come to realize is decided by birth and the size of his pitch


So what's the future

No matter where I go I will still belong/ stuck in...

In Andalusia, (actually Roquetas del Mar to be precise)

Where we don't know where the next sunshine coming from

Something's wrong


I vow to Spain, I won't remain

In Roquetas for much longer

There has to be a place for me and SWMBO

And I must go there


I don't fantasize unlike a million others

There are those who hope we fail

But it will be not for the lack of trying

Not a man alive

Had to beg or steal or fight or empty the tanks more than me to survive

So what's the future

No matter where I go I will still belong.../ stuck in...

In Andalusia

Where good honest men grow weak and the rich camp owners grow strong

Something's wrong



Another dawn, another rainy day

A couple from East Grinstead

My destiny will guarantee

I'll only go where it's a fight to survive just until tomorrow

One more breakfast to feed (SWMBO)

And the way things are round here,

That's the last thing I need



Some jokettes.



The Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on booze bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible perils of pounding a pint or two.

Here are some possibilities:

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (what species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,

handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING CHART
SYMPTOM:Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

REASON: Glass empty.

SOLUTION:Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM:Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.

REASON: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.

SOLUTION:Retire to gent's room, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM:Feet cold and wet.

REASON: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

SOLUTION:Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM:Floor blurred.

REASON: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

SOLUTION:Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM:Floor moving.

REASON:You are being carried out.

SOLUTION:Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM:Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

REASON:You have fallen over backward.

SOLUTION:Have yourself lashed to bar.

SYMPTOM:Mouth contains cigarette butts.

REASON:You have fallen forward.

SOLUTION:See above.

SYMPTOM:Room seems unusually dark.

REASON:Bar has closed.

SOLUTION:Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM:Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.

REASON:Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

SOLUTION:Cover mouth.

9th February 2010, Roquetas and no real change.

Not raining mind you but there are a lot of dark clouds on the horizon so who knows.
Thinking of a trip up the mountains via car then a walk at the top.

Yesterday I made another batch of my famous vegetable soup, basically includes every vegetable known to man plus various spices and herbs, plus of course a generous cup of red wine. Usually make about a gallon at a time and can last a week.

I don't know what else I may have accidentally put in this time, perhaps too big a shake of the Worcestershire sauce or too heavy handed on the cayenne pepper but this one is a doosy. Had a rather large bowl of it last night and the rumbling started about 10pm.

Anyone of a delicate nature should miss the next few paragraphs.

Well I'm not talking here about the odd “air biscuit” or a bottom burp, I'm talking sheets being ripped.

SWMBO was none to pleased and decided to have an early night informing me to come to bed when I had “settled down”, so it was le Carre`, “The Night Manager” for a couple of hours. Crawled into bed and hoped for the best. Well I can't go into details but when I finally woke up the duvet was on the ceiling and she was mumbling about being cold and could I check if I'd left the gas on.

Lately I've been attending the “early session” at the shower block, that is between 7 and 8 am. You generally find that men of a certain age tend to only need about 5-6 hours sleep and that's it. It's pointless staying in bed, you're awake, your back is aching and there is little else to do, “Sod off! I'm still asleep!” So get cup of tea and down to the block.

Well this morning there was a particular urgency and I didn't bother with the tea. Now the toilet/shower block is quite clean although a little tired but the water is hot and constant, showers are large and then are plenty of them. But my main mission this morning was to get to trap #5 as quickly as possible. It's funny you know, if you stay for any period at a Hotel or B&B, after the first morning you “prefer” a particular table etc. Same with the toilet stall, I like #5, don't know why perhaps it's like you favourite chair at home, you develop your own “bum groove?”

Anyway, gets in and let proceedings take they own course, no effort needed from me. Another thing about the block, when the showers are not running, it's bloody quiet in there. You can actually hear the perforations being torn on the bog roll and how many they are.

How can I describe the following moments? Like “a flock of Starlings taking off?”, “mixing a deck of cards using the Russian shuffle?” “a very mature Mellon falling downstairs?”

I leave you to choose but I could certainly hear gasps of envy from the poor constipated souls in there, gainfully holding the strain bars hoping for any release.

But I was to be undone, discredited as a mere charlatan, an amateur, a boy among men. Someone who obviously must have spent the last evening eating a mixture of gallons of larger, chicken Madras, whole chillies and a very liberal dose of senna pods made his presence known in trap #2. He was awesome! A short run to the trap, the door closing with a bang, the soft sound of trousers hitting the deck then Wooooooooooomph! The last time a sound like that was ever detected on this Earth was probably heard by the Mayor of Hiroshima in 1946, when he said, “WTF was that!” Unfortunately it was also his last words.

I don't know if the whole of the inside of the loo was completely pebble dashed but I bet his arse looked like a plasterers bucket, and the sigh heard from trap #2 was more in remorse than sorrow.
I just shuffled away in disgrace, the walk of shame.

Later in the day we decided to drive up the nearest bit of the Sierra Nevada mountains, all the way up. The last bit was a single tracked road with a sheer drop at one side. At the top it turned out to be a dead end, ending at what looked like a meteorological establishment, so we just had to turn back.

After lunch, the heinous soup, was followed by a non stop cycle along the beach and back, a total of 14 miles, then just lying in the sun to recover.

Also managed to repair the spare tyre be removing the inside of the Schroeder valve and re-setting it, job done and saved a few €'s.

Last of the history of Britain tonight and then maybe a re-start for the “Sopranos”.

 

7th February 2010, Roquetas and all is quiet

Not a lot happening, cycled to The Spinnaker, a café/pub along the front, owned by English and very nice. Have SKY and an English book exchange so might pop along there sometime later. We had coffee and Tricia had an enormous apple pie with ice cream, so much for that strict diet then. Shopping and bought a couple of €5 phone cards. Saturday was very sunny and warm and had a BBQ with some of the on site English, drank and ate a lot and later tried to started watching “The Sapranos” but fell asleep.

Sunday was Boules, watching only to understand the rules and visited the book club, thank God something to read at last! Rest of the day was cycling to Aguadulce a few miles north up the coast.

Then it was re-setting the green to SWMBO's liking, cleaning the BBQ and trying, in vain, to fix the puncture in one of the MS's tyres which is now the spare, it appears that the valve is US.

8th February and it's raining.

Now I know I'll not be getting any sympathy from anyone back in the UK but it's not fair, here I am in Spain and it's bloody raining! OK it's still quite warm 17° or so but hawayman it's just not cricket is it?

So I guess it's a bit of food shopping, fix the spare tyre and then maybe empty the tanks but then all that's left to do is read a good book, watch a DVD movie, eat nice Spanish food and if I'm very lucky, nah don't even think about it mate. I mean look at you guys, you all have some nice work to do sitting in a nice warm office looking at a PC screen all day, or maybe working outside, on a roof perhaps? You lucky, lucky people having real things to do while all I have to look forward to is lying around all day. Still must press on.

SWMBO is banging on about her hairy legs; now don't get the wrong idea here, SHE reckons she's got hairy legs, me, I can't see any. She said she is sick and tired of using Immac 'cos it does not last. She tried the hot wax on her bikini line a few years ago, which apparently caused her so much turmoil she has been in counselling and can't look a coconut in the eye ever since.

Out shopping, not buying mind, just “looking”, and she sees this device. “Oh look!, Heather's got one of these, she says it works great”. Imagine an old Remington shaver but twice as big and instead of the nice smooth foil cover, a set of nasty looking blades/tweezer like things of varying sizes. Apparently these rotate at vast speeds and rip the hairs out one by one but with such vigour that the hair is too frightened to grow again. It would not have looked out of place in Tomás de Torquemada's bedroom.

“How much!” “Look Pet, what happens if I do manage to raise the mortgage for that and you don't like it, or it rips your legs and bits to pieces, or if you dropped it and it chewed up the bloody carpet, I think you should try Heather's first OK?” “But that's ages away when we get back home!” “I know Pet, but it's for the best, honestly.” “Oh all right then.”

Now that is what I call a close shave. She should have really known better, when ever I use the word “honestly” and my lips move, I am usually lying. She'll probably now forget all about it and go back to my spare Gillette No 5, nicks and all.
Well it's now 9:30 am and SWMBO is finally up and when she realises that this can only be a “shopping” day, immediately starts generating lists of what we really need whilst mentally making up other lists of what she actually wants. I am, of course completely blind to this process and will be led to it like a lamb to the slaughter.

Brilliant! There's a massive DIY store called “Bolocks”, or something like that. So if I can get in there, it might not turn out to be a bad day after all. I will report later.


Later, much, much later, pennyless and broken.

Actually it was called “Brickomat” and sold absolutely everything and cheap, sorry, inexpensive, like a DIY Lidl. Next door was ”Decathlon”, yep you guessed a large sports shop where SWMBO went looking (again) for some track suit bottoms to keep the chill off in the evening. She couldn't find any that suited and none were quite shiny enough. I managed to get a some trainers to replace my much repaired and glued present ones. €75 reduced to €25, I should have bought both at that price. Still havn't the heart to throw the old ones out yet, but managed to take out the laces mind.

Then came Carrefore and one notebook for shopping lists etc., one skillet for the BBQ and 3m long 3.5 mm audio lead so I can play my Walkman over the MS sound system.
Then on to Mercadona and finally but not least Lidl.

Rain stopped, Sun has got his hat on, hip, hip, hip hooray!

4th February 2010, Roquetas and it's persistently raining.

Can't get to the toilets or showers because “A river runs through it”, and I'm sure I saw Brad Pitt lurking in the shadows somewhere. Yep, due to the efficient (not) Spanish drains, or lack off, the road that separates us from the “amenities” is now a small tributary of the river Anderex in Almeria.

Tricia tried to make it with a rope tied around her middle but had to be pulled back to safety as bits of a life raft sailed past. She is now using our “on board” amenities, no pictures sorry, so I will probably have to fill up the water tank later today. Why I did not attach a collecting device to the water input I do not know, as it would certainly be full most of the time.

I have included a couple of pictures from the Food festival at Guardamar as I forgot to include them in the last post. One is of the belly dancers braving the cold and the other is of a Spanish guy trying to learn the bagpipes from a Scotsman. Now bagpipes played expertly are to my mind pretty dreadful but played not expertly are very dreadful, but not as bad as an accordion mind you. I've always imagined if when you leave this mortal world and you did not make it to “upstairs”, Satan would be standing at the entrance to his kingdom and saying “Welcome to Hell old Son, here's your accordion”.

The PWC (Pussy Whipped Club) is now a thing of the past as there is no hot water supply at the washing up block? As we are paying a standard charge for electricity (€3.18/day for 10A, if you plan to stay 60 days) it's easier to use our electric water heater in the kitchen. I do miss the chats with the girls though, sometimes it felt like a scene out of “What Women want”, although I am a bit taller than Mel Gibson.

Funny the spell checker didn't like Brad Pitt but was happy with Mel?

So today looks like a trip to the Grand Mall, a couple of miles down the road as it is indoors and 'er indoors wants to look round a bit. She hasn't told me what she may be looking for exactly, that's going to be my “surprise”. We were going to go to the local Thursday market to get our vegetables and such but as you probably needed a 26' Moody to get there, we ruled it out. Lidl it's going to be again and as I'm down to my last half gallon of red wine, just as well.

Issues at present:- Still in ongoing “conversation” with the Tracker people who supplied out tracker unit. Apparently you can't test it to see if it works and this is our second one. I also just found out that the model we've got, although told so at the time, does not cover Europe. As we spend 90% of our time in Europe, seams a bit pointless especially after paying out £800!

Still talking to insurers about the outside chance of getting some money back, coming up to renewal so I have some kind of bargaining chip, which is nice, bastids!

Conversations with the company who supplied the “cost effective”, read cheap, LED replacement lamps, which are all (20 of them) slowly starting to flash a bit, turn brown and then eventually go out.

Tax man owes me some back tax from last year, I'm not holding my breath.

I am also coming up to that certain age when I can claim winter fuel allowance so I've got to put in for that soon, just got to figure how to do it, £250/year not to be missed, you know.

As you can see I'm a busy little thing, how the hell I actually did any of this and worked full time I do not know, how do you guys do it? Then again our favourite saying. “Procrastination, why put off something today when you can also put it off tomorrow”.

Been to the Grand Plaza, got lots of things but not the vegetables we had originally gone for as SWMBO had not weighed them correctly and the girl at the cash desk told her in so many Spanish words what a tosser she was. So it's off to Mercadona on the bikes tomorrow.

It turns out that we get the pitch for free so it works out that if we stay for two months it will be about €12,5 per night inc. electricity, which is pretty good. Two months is about right to really explore a place before moving on and/or getting bored with the area. Looks like we will have to give Seville a miss though as no local camp sites can take the size of the rig.

5th February and wash day again!

Because we are not using the PWC the tanks are filling up more quickly and the fresh water is not keeping up. So I've had to empty the 50 litre waste hog six times already, trailing it up to the toilet and back is putting my bloody back out. Now I've filled the fresh tank twice and with her using the twin tub washing machine like a whirling dervish on drugs I can hardly keep up. She really has this thing about washing and general cleanliness, I mean I can use a towel for weeks, she needs to wash the bloody things every few days! Look, I go to the shower, get washed and then dry myself on the towel, how does it get dirty then. I've just washed! I haven't then ran naked through the camp site kicking up dust, diving on the ground and shouting “Anyone want to park their bike in the crack of my arse!” have I? (Just ruined a perfectly good joke I had planned to use later, damn!)

No I haven't so how come the towel gets dirty, beats me? She also washes tea towels as regularly, why? Same logic there isn't it? OK socks, maybe even underpants, I'll give you that, I mean wear them for a few days, stretch to a week maybe and yes, probably need a quick rub through. I just leave her to her own devices, keeps the shouting down and she is content.

Evenings are being dedicated to watching the History of Great Britain by Simon Schama and it's pretty good except he deals mainly with the succession of kings and queens, the Spanish Armada gets barely a mention in passing. Still both my and SWMBO's early schooling was not up to much and the history lessons just got in the way of football as far as I was concerned.

If any of the above helps to cheer up Z's missus, all to the good.

The dreaded toilet block, see next to that cone, that's where you empty your waste stuff, nice isn't it?

1st February, Roquetas, just.

Last day at Marjal and it was bike ride, 15 miles and ended up in the evening at the local “Brit” bar having fish and chips with me having steak and chips, both with mushy (pumpy) peas.

Oh I did not mention the Saturday Food Festival at Guardamar, well it was OK really. Consisted of a large stall with food from most of the European countries although they did not seem to be any food at the English bit. The Scottish part of it provided haggis and whisky and the Haggis was really tasty and the Spanish tapas was also very nice, anyway it was better than I expected. There was also two Moroccan belly dancers and although it was nor exactly freezing, it was rather cold and they had practically nothing on, still quite a good night.

(Tricia in chucky egg mode, most Sunday Mornings.)

So this morning got up early and did the SSS thing (shit, shower and shave) before getting everything prepared for the off. Went to pay the bill and they had charged us for today as well, because they said that it was monthly and this was a new month, it came to €591 inc. electricity. We did get €20 back for our Gym and swimming pool passes which of course we never used.

So finally gets hitched up with the help of the usual crowd that gather when ever there is any movement on or off the site. Trouble is you then tend to rush things and we managed to drive off without connecting any of our electric cables or blowing up the Navara's rear tyres to the correct pressure. This was put right as soon as we left the site so all was OK for the drive. Now I haven't driven the hooked up rig for 3 months and the usual nerves were definitely there but the 200 mile trip was uneventful. Stopped once for SWMBO to have a “little” lunch, she nearly ate half the bloody place. “Er..dos them, dos them, una that, dos them etc.” The green beans, ham and onions in olive oil with bread was her favourite. It was not without a little shaderfrieder (spelling wrong I know) on my behalf when, not long along the road, “I need the loo!”

When we arrived at Roquetas my best friend Mr Garmin GPS let me down, it took us to about half a mile from the camp site then tried to send us down a narrow lane with a bend in it we could not possibly get round. Just before that we had stopped and some very foreign guys in a car asked if we were looking for the camp site and told us to follow them, we decided not to because it looked like they were driving into some kind of wilderness.  On checking the co-ordinates I had put in from the ACSI book, they were actually incorrect!  The ones in the book I mean because that is exactly where the GPS took us to, remenber to double check on Google Earth next time. It turned out that it would have got us there but sometimes you just trust nobody these days. However an English couple turned up in a small Citroen who were actually staying at the site so we just followed them.

The site is a bit tired and does not come up the either Marjal or Bonterra Park and does not have the same amenities of either. We checked in leaving the MS outside and as we were looking for a suitable site a guys asked us if we were looking for Geoff. Well, in some ways we were because Geoff is a guy off the MotorhomeFun site and had sent me an e-mail about the place as he was already staying there.

So we found Geoff and his wife Hilary and he showed us around, pointing out various suitable sites, including the one we are on now and it's a nice double site which gets the Sun all day, cushty.


My view out of my bedroom window>>>>>>

Getting on however, was as usual, not easy, until a Dutch guy (ex HGV driver) decided to direct the manoeuvrings, and he did a great job, with the usual throng in attendance and we were on. As we pay for electricity we are now fully electric and literally just cooking on gas, back to the electric fire and not the noisy gas furnace heater.

Went out in the car and found the local Mercadona and stocked up, so just finished dinner and we have to decide what to watch. It looks like a consensus that the third and fourth series of Prison Break will not get a viewing, it's just getting tedious. So it looks like the Sapranos will get an airing. Tomorrow it's “putting down the green” to stop bringing the gravel into the MS, fixing the noisy water pump, attaching the BBQ and then basically bugger all.

Tuesday 2nd February.

Green down and then off to a cycle ride to Roquetas, 9 mile round trip, nice promenade. On the way back came across a herd of sheep, SWMBO reckoned they were sheep, took a picture anyway.

On return spent ages looking for the local, not quite actually local, Lidl to bring our water drinking stocks up.

 

The Shep/Goat herd.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joke/sayings

 

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just f--- off and leave me alone

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.
The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.
Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Remember, no one is listening until you fart.
Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments
Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Have you ever lent someone £20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From
there on in, life gets worse

30th January, Marjal and all is well with the world.

Pretty hum drum sort of couple of days, the local council has opened the pathway to we can escape to the beach for a walk to La Marina and back, makes a change. Tricia is doing a final wash as we prepare to up sticks for Roquetas. From there it's going to be Seville for a few weeks, then Faro, Lisbon, Porto and then meet up with the Leadbetters to explore northern Spain.

Booked the P&O ferry back for the 17th June, something we did not really want to put in stone but for a couple of reasons did. 1, the Leadbetters are going back then and 2, we booked now because the prices rises nearer the date, preaching to the converted here I know, BUT although the later booking price goes up by at least £80, you can change your booking for £25, where's the logic in that then?

Since we started doing this, last year, I do not like deadlines, it's like a two week holiday in our past life, you get there and are immediately counting off the days till you go back. If fact the last few days aren't a holiday any more because you are franticly running around buying last minute presents for Auntie Rosy and worrying about where to leave your bags because you are getting chucked out of the hotel at 10 am and where are you going to “hang around” until the bus arrives at midnight to take you to the airport. Yep I really miss all that.

Of course when booking I lied about, height, width, length, weight, the number of giraffes aboard, just about everything (who measures), in fact I think they're expecting a Mini Cooper with a tent.

I'll just blame feet versus decimal and the Euro in general.

We finally made into Santa Pola, the next town to the north of us, we had driven by many times, on our way into Alicante but on the day we tried there was a town fun run on and we could not get in to park. So in we went this time and parked near the marina. The town looked a bit “tired” and old. There was a “free” parking lot full of Motorhomes but it was also very run down and seedy. Talked to n English couple who had just arrived and they agreed and were moving on pretty sharpish. The opposite was true of the coast road out of the place, it was gorgeous, if a man can actually use that the word.

Last night I decided to have the last of the king prawns in garlic and butter with a fresh baguette, SWMBO was going to have her vegetable “diet” soup.

“Er...what are you having?”

I told her.

“You will stink of garlic!”

“Your point is?”

“Er..all by yourself,not asking if I wanted any?”

“You said you did not want any and you were having soup?”

“Well that was then wasn't it?”

“And?”

“Well it's now isn't it?”

I did some extra salad and we managed the whole baguette between us.

Tonight there is a Food Festival in Guardamar and SWMBO has decided we are attending, if it's anything like the Christmas Festival we went to in early December I'd better have a couple of Big Macs before I go.


She also has been pestering me to wash the car, I mean it's only been six weeks and it may rain again in the next couple so why bother? Also we cannot wash our cars on site, we have to go to a “Lavadora” which actually costs real money. I'll see if I can fit it in before the gravy boat comes in.

First born, Adam, car broke down, it was making a terrible noise when we there at Christmas so it is not a surprise. Adam's outlook is “if it isn't broke, don't fix it and then again even if it is, just wait till it actually stops, then get someone else to fix it”. The somebody is usually me but not being there, because I would have fixed it earlier, so it had finally stopped. I realised that this situation may occur so I had bought him a breakdown service plan for Christmas and told him where the keys were for our (old) Porsche if he needed it. Which of course he does and did.

I don't know how he manages to struggle through life all by himself, with no help at any turn, bless.

But that's just Adam, Heather fights and works, and usually gets what she goes for. If he fell in a bucket of shit he would come up smelling of roses. Here is one example:- on the day his Vauxhal Nova became none operational, on the day mind you, his friend Jason, phoned from Australia and told him he could have his Cleo, which of course was still taxed and tested, enough said? By the way the said Nova cost him £1 as it was a trade in at a BMW garage and it was his if he could drag himself to Tunbridge Wells to get it.

Decided to do all the checks before leaving Monday, when it would be too late if anything was seriously amiss. Check tyre pressures, grease bits that needed greasing, car, oil, water etc. Everything pretty much AOK.
Sitting outside, having lunch and notices that front offside (depending if you're in Europe or UK) looks a tad down, gives it a kick, it's bloody flat! Must have knackered the valve because when pumped up that's where all the air is coming from. Damn it! Anyway better here than on the motorway or first thing on Monday morning. Off with the spare on the back, extend font legs to maximum, after slackening wheel nuts of course, wheel comes free and is off. Change wheel, but I do not know what the torque settings are for the wheel nuts, one grunt or three, who knows, it's not in the manual?

So two grunts it is and I'll check at the first coffee stop on the motorway, if it's still on.
Again as mentioned, it was washing day, including bedding which meant the € eating washing machines and our little twin tub for all the smalls. The wind picked up and it was a good drying day as Tricia's Aunty Alice used to say.

News on the home front:- Heathers is selling more BMW's and is “busy”, Olly has just one more flight and he is a Pilot, Adam as above, Antonia is still engaged and Rickardo is having his hair cut and going to job interviews.
Tomorrow is Sunday, The Times Online and “chucky egg” day for the missus.