12th February 2010, Roquetas and she is on the spend.

(A new record! The last post was one more, 28, than the number published under the first blog. Working it out I've written over 40 K words, and you poor bastids have had to read them!)

Weather OK except it rains at night, which is fine by me.

My body is finally coming to terms with the soup and is keeping me nice and regular, which is a good thing.

Tricia's bike managed a puncture in the back wheel, it is a presta and not a schrader valve fitting and my pump's adapter is useless, well very useless after I broke it in frustration. Managed OK and fixed said puncture. “Let's go for a ride!” (I wish)

These are the magic words that native American Indians use as part of a rain dance. "Heyaya, heyaya, heyaya, lets go for a ride, heyaya, heyaya". I know because I saw it in one of John Wayne's films, you know the one where they use all the standard phases. “We'll cut them off at the pass”, and “Get down off your horse and stick your hands up, yah bum”, “The bullet is still in her yet”, (where the hell is a women's yet?) and “The only good Indian is a Chicken Madras”, That movie, yes.

So as you guessed, no sooner than the words were out of her mouth, it pissed down. “Well, we might as well go shopping”.

Now a few days back, in a shop advertising that everything was at least 30% off, I noticed a cafeteria, with two matching glass mugs. “That looks nice”, I said to myself and only €17 for the set, pity there are only two mugs. Now I know I may have sub vocalised it, and I know for a fact that she was at the other side of the store; but the phase, “That looks nice”, uttered by me, tends to teleport SWMBO from what ever point in space she is at the time, to my side with one hand already in my money pocket.

“Oooh! I like it too, let's buy it”. “But Pet, I only said.....” “YOU SAID YOU LIKED IT! I HEARD YOU!”

No way out so we went to the lady and asked for a set with four mugs. “Only two per set”. SWMBO gently took her by the throat and proceeded to persuade her to give us four mugs but she was having none of it as the set actually came in a box and she would not split them. There was supposed to be a sale on! So I'm thinking I've got out of that one then, when Tricia solves the problem by buying two sets and saying that the extra jug with be a perfect present for someone. Now I've got to admit the logic was pretty damn good and just gave in.

She is gradually adding things to make the MS more like home, it is home! This is where we live for ten months of the year. So far it's two cushions, a clock, four candles, the cafeteria set and various “must haves” for the kitchen area. At the moment she is on the look out for a potato masher but I do believe that any such thing actually exists in Spain. We do like our liver and mashed potato.

Spent the rest of the day buying, a new bicycle pump, extra slide locks for the MS and special present for someone out there who's birthday it will soon be. Unfortunately it's too big to post and as we will not be there for the event, I will send a picture in it's place nearer the time.

Market day yesterday and it was threatening rain we decided to drive, only 3 miles but WTH.

Got a bag of “Churros”, which is a continuous spiral of batter, cooked in hot oil. Basically a long Yorkshire Pudding, she loved it, me so so. She bought a shirt for €3, which is very nice but will probably fall to pieces in a week.

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We are planning a run out to Granada, about 200 miles there and back, which may seem like a long way for a “run out” but that's why we are here, to see things I guess.

Having a problem with one of the air suspension units on the Navara, which seems to be off centre and I'm sure will need re-fitting, which I can do but I will talk to Calder Leisure (the MS dealer) to check first.

Saturday 13th February 2010

What can I say, we've had non stop rain and it's going to be like this for the next 10 days, temperature about 12°C, can only thank God we are in a 5er with plenty of room and not cramped in a motorhome. So what to do? Well I've obviously got plenty of time to subject you lot out there with a few more anecdotes and blatant lies.

SWMBO heard the rain this morning and after being served scrambled eggs on toast, decided to stay in bed and read, it's 11:15 am and that's her. She's not stupid that one. Time check, it's now 12:14 PM!

We are planning a trip to Granada but as it is 100 miles away we might as well stay a night and see all the stuff, in the rain of course. Can get a double en suite in the Granada Central Hotel for €50 if you book the day before. If not, it will be the local Ibis at €44/night. Something to look forward to I guess and never been there and apparently plenty to see.



The following is with respect to “The boy from nowhere” sung by Tom Jones and just about sums up my feelings at the moment, if you know the tune, it helps.

The nights grow cold, my search for Gold (sunshine)

Is leading nowhere

Whichever lonely road I take

It seems to go where it's a fight to survive just until tomorrow

How can I display what I know I'm worthy of when they turn me away

For being twin axle and 13 meters long


The doors are closed to such as I and SWMBO

A couple from East Grinstead (Actually Forest Row which is a lot more up market)

But not to those who merely buy the right

To go where they'll be met with respect, not humiliation

A man's place on earth

I have come to realize is decided by birth and the size of his pitch


So what's the future

No matter where I go I will still belong/ stuck in...

In Andalusia, (actually Roquetas del Mar to be precise)

Where we don't know where the next sunshine coming from

Something's wrong


I vow to Spain, I won't remain

In Roquetas for much longer

There has to be a place for me and SWMBO

And I must go there


I don't fantasize unlike a million others

There are those who hope we fail

But it will be not for the lack of trying

Not a man alive

Had to beg or steal or fight or empty the tanks more than me to survive

So what's the future

No matter where I go I will still belong.../ stuck in...

In Andalusia

Where good honest men grow weak and the rich camp owners grow strong

Something's wrong



Another dawn, another rainy day

A couple from East Grinstead

My destiny will guarantee

I'll only go where it's a fight to survive just until tomorrow

One more breakfast to feed (SWMBO)

And the way things are round here,

That's the last thing I need



Some jokettes.



The Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on booze bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible perils of pounding a pint or two.

Here are some possibilities:

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (what species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

WARNING:

consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,

handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING CHART
SYMPTOM:Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

REASON: Glass empty.

SOLUTION:Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM:Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.

REASON: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.

SOLUTION:Retire to gent's room, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM:Feet cold and wet.

REASON: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

SOLUTION:Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM:Floor blurred.

REASON: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

SOLUTION:Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM:Floor moving.

REASON:You are being carried out.

SOLUTION:Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM:Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

REASON:You have fallen over backward.

SOLUTION:Have yourself lashed to bar.

SYMPTOM:Mouth contains cigarette butts.

REASON:You have fallen forward.

SOLUTION:See above.

SYMPTOM:Room seems unusually dark.

REASON:Bar has closed.

SOLUTION:Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM:Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.

REASON:Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

SOLUTION:Cover mouth.