25th January 2010, Marjal and it's raining.

And more forecast for the next 3 days, still it's relatively warm, about 16°C.
The other inhabitants of Marjal are obviously more acclimatised to a warmer and drier environment. Some are dressed for a stint at the Kola Peninsula in Russia, which reminds me (later). I am at present looking at a lady, dressed in full Arctic gear pushing a large overweight brown Labrador in a twin pushchair, I find this somehow unnerving.
Well this rain means two things, no cycling and SWMBO will want to go shopping. It starts with “Oh I forgot to mention it but we need new candle holders (new what!), let's get dressed, drive 20 miles to Carrefore and get some?” Also for some reason, when it rains for a while, she usually wants to make a fruit salad, why?, don't ask me, but it happened in similar circumstances about 11 years ago and we were eating fruit salad for a week! Must be something top do with “the change”.  Mind you I was quite regular for a long while after.
I must admit that I probably will lean towards going to the shops because I really do need a mouse for this computer, I cannot be doing with this pad thing especially on map based software where you really need that centre wheel. I have no idea how much they cost but at Carrefore it will be at least double.

Quite a number of people, mainly men, take their dog for a walk by attaching its lead to the handlebars of their bike and going for a ride. I cannot help it but I get this overwhelming urge to chuck a cat in their path, it will be all scraped elbows and broken teeth.

Back to the reference about the Russian thing. Because of the inclement weather we have been having “afternoon matinees” i.e. watching some of the movie DVDs we have and the other day it was K19 Widowmaker, with Harrison Ford and Liam Neison. Well it's based on a true story from the cold war and as a movie it's hardly a page turner, especially when a sad bastard like me actually remembered reading about it. Still SWMBO enjoyed it.

We have Harrison Ford's, more or less, full set, so far it's been K19, Clear & Present Danger, Regarding Henry and are left with Witness and Sabrina, the latter I have never heard of?

Prison Break still gets its slot after dinner but I'm beginning to wish I had never started it, it gets so bloody frustrating and improbable but it's like one of those books you read, don't really enjoy but have to see it through. It reminds me of “Lost”, after the first series lost on an island, the fat guy gets no thinner, none of the guys grow a beard and absolutely no one eats or goes to the bog. Roll on the Soprano's.

Got from another session at the PWC and there was music coming from the MS? Now SWMBO is not a “in the morning” music person. I found that out when we were newly married, I was, she wasn't, so it had to getter sorted out. Well it was not exactly a fight, more an ultimatum, either I get a bit (lot) frustrated or no music, never did like Jonny Mathis anyway. So what is this music?  Gets in MS and she is doing her aerobics thing and gyrating all over the place, honestly with some of her positions, especially the one designed to “improve her pelvic floor”, I'm sure only her gynaecologist should have been present. I had to quickly leave and have a beer to calm my nerves down a bit.

Stop press! The sun is out!
I am an avid fan of the various Motorhome / 5th Wheel forums that are around and I read someone's signature sign off phase which I thought was brilliant:- “I may not be a Proctologist but I know an ass-hole when I see one”.
I also need to apologise to another member of said forum, Zaskar aka Paul, for outrageously stealing the following joke, well it's not his, it's been around a while, but he recently posted it and it's one of my favourites.

Banned from the co-op
Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I'm now banned from the Co-op.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.


Also
Banned from B&Q

Into B&Q, salesman asked if I wanted decking, so I hit him first.